I miss..

I miss your smile..
I miss your eyes..
I miss your arms around me..
I miss going over to your house..
I miss falling asleep in your arms..
I miss listening to your heartbeat..
I miss your whole ass facade, sadly..
I miss being the last person you talk to..
I miss your house..
I miss your dog..
I miss your car..
I miss arguing with you..
I miss kissing you..
I miss ruining movies for you..
I miss calling you during Halo..
I miss you calling me baby..
I miss your tongue ring..
I miss the smell of your Cologne..
I miss the smell of your hair..
I miss the happy feeling I always got..
I miss hugging you..
I miss you picking on me..
I miss calling you meaniebutt..
I miss calling you asshole..
I miss our fights..
I miss our naps..
I miss our laughs..
I miss your silliness..
I miss your craziness..
I miss your personality..
I miss "Kool-Aid"..
I miss laying on your couch..
I miss swinging with you..
I miss you telling me to grow a backbone..
I miss the first time I ever saw you..
I miss last Saturday..
I miss the feel of your skin on mine..
I miss how perfectly our hands meshed together..
I miss holding your hand..
I miss snuggling and cuddling during movies I always interrupted..
I miss everything I felt..
I miss everything I saw..
I miss everything in general..
I just miss you..
I wish I could fix all my mistakes..
I wish we could have a redo..
I wish you could change your mind..
I miss falling for you..
I miss knowing that I was going to love you one day..
I miss knowing we had a future..
I miss just sitting with you those nights..
I miss you.. I miss you.. I miss you..
Please come back.

Secrets #16-20

 "Secret #17- I trust the wrong people..."

 "Secret 18- You could've been my everything"

some more secrets :)



Love yourself.

Amen.

life..

looking back at everything i've done in my high school career i can't believe that it's already almost over. where has the time gone?

Freshman year:
OMG! i'm in high school now. what do i do? um, let's get in, do homework and get done :) nope, let's waste our time on a stupid boy. Then let's make it to State with the knowledge team and let's not study at all the night before contest.. yep, that's about right. And cannot forget getting my only snuggle buddy :) by big boy, Bruizer. he's the only man in life that i need.

Sophomore year:
Ooooh, i finally found the right guy. Or so I thought. let's do great in all my classes!! oh wait, i forgot i'm horrible at Geometry. let's try to get help in that class and not get it and fail it second semester. let's waste some more time on the wrong guy. yay! it's christmas :) and now yayyyyy i'm sixteen!!! let's start driving. :) okkkkay nevermind let's not because we haven't driven hardly at all. then let's get sick....urgh. a whole week outta school. yep. now let's waste some more time on boys. that must be all i think about..

Junior year:
So, i met another guy. let's waste some more time. It wasn't totally wasted though, i met two of my best friends on this Earth. They're awesome :) then i also "met" my dad's best friend from Elementary and HS, who also was the birthing room nurse the night i was born. Small world, huh? wow. craziness. Then that's all over with. What really else went on...nothing really. it was mostly boring. First prom, wow :) i went home early.. it was boring.

Senior year:
Welp, here we go with the rest of my life...get sick the second day of school.. figure out i'm hypoglycemic..let's "fall in love" the summer before senior year.. let's make a big mistake that could change the rest of my life........yep, that has been covered. let's get dumped for a freshman girl. then let's get used to the whole idea.....then let's not tell anyone what really happened.. wow, can't believe this is happening.. meet the freshman girl, they broke up. wasn't her idea. imagine that, he's an ass. she's better off as am I. she becomes my "little sister". depression time.........big blur..........February 10: I turn 18!!!! wow, i'm a legal adult. how scary is this realization? let's go through some more school.. pass classes with some A's. time to find out my grandma has cancer.... surgery.. it's all gone. now it's time for chemo therapy for a year. let's meet someone new... someone older... someone different. let's become good friends. let's meet him. let's hang out alot. let's have fun together. he starts to act different.. i blow it off. then he starts acting like a total ass hole. saying if he acts like that i'll stay and i definitely don't have to worry about him leaving me. yep, that was definitely the least of my worries. then my best friend and his roommate breakup and all hell breaks loose. he takes a total 180 for the worst, let's just lead her on and stop talking to me. all happening in less than a month. i made another HUGE mistake.....again. imagine that. well, idk if i'm better off but i hope things either work out or things change. Family issues. Not going on senior trip to Kansas City, good choice. Area 13 Banquet, get a plaque for the wall in the ag building for my first place in job interview. Then not make state by less than 3 points and the guy who doesn't care wins the whole thing.....just my luck. Summersville Chapter banquet. i'm going to cry like a baby. especially when Em gives her last speech. Then Baccalaureate where i'll probably cry some more. then the last week of school....wow. even more crazy.....Finally, GRADUATION!! time for some waterproof mascara. wow. let's BAWL LIKE A BABY! wow.. high school flew by. i wish i could go back.

Looking back on the years.....it's weird. but i really wouldn't change a thing.

I'm at a loss for words..

I don't quite know what to say right now, we just met and you're already pushing me away. I can't talk to you because you'll never answer. You were soooo worried about me leaving you, yea, right. That was always the big problem. Idk if you've noticed or not but I had no intentions of leaving. In fact, if you told me you wanted me back, I'd be right there. How sad is that? Please, I just don't want this to end.

Secrets #11-15

Today was a long day. me and the guy i was once talking to and falling for are now over. I don't know what the future holds for me next.... i hope it gets better.

Secrets #6-10

so i can't sleep like always, now this gives me something to do. :) so here's some more secrets. at this pace i'm going to have it finished by next week lol

Oct. 5, 1991-Jan. 27, 2001. I remember the last time I saw her at school and what we talked about at recess. Can't believe it's been 10 years since we lost you. I miss and love you my Guardian Angel.

you frustrate me.

Secret #1-5

So I read a previous blog about this.. they post secrets about themselves. it's called 365 secrets. Thought I'd give it a shot. here we go with the first five to start them out.

Awake♥

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
but I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear. So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name. I just want to hear you.
Say my name. So I know it's true.
You're changing me. You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say,

That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything



Draw a heart on your wrist, change the world♥

On April 25th-26th, 2011, there will be a day dedicated to people who are battling depression and suicide and to advocate a lifestyle of unconditional love. on this day, draw a heart on your wrist, to symbolize that you are wearing your heart on your sleeve. ask someone how they’re doing. tell someone you love them. nobody should have to feel so bad about themselves that they take their own life. take this challenge. save someone’s life. Please pass this on ♥

my heart

my sister's

my cousin's



Lonely Nights..

I'm laying here on this cold and lonely night just thinking about you.
I cannot wait to see you Saturday and Sunday. I'm so lucky to have you.
I wish we were together. I've asked you once, but I'm afraid of getting turned down again..
I'm not sure what to do. Nor how long I should wait.
I don't want to hurt you and you don't want to hurt me.
You told me earlier being mean will keep me around because nice didn't work for others..
I wish you'd be more of a sweetheart that I know you can be.
You have showed me you sensitive side before..
I  just miss you is all. Everything about you, even when you're mean.